I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
