Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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