nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
