yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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