i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
