I'm really into asian looking animals
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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