Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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