Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
