dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
