I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
