So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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