i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
