the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
