the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
