so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's never too late to be topless.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
