Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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