He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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