If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how drunk are you?
Several
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
