i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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