It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
