Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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