Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
