I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
