there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
