i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
