is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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