Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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