He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
