her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
