i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
