you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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