I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize