You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
