We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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