Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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