I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
