I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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