So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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