The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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