people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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