We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
