Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
