I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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