nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
