I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
