oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
