I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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