You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
