and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize