Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
