uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
