Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
