thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
