don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
