ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize