he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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