I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
