there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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