How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
