someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
