Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
