So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
