forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
