I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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