Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize