I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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